She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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