dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
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