I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
