someone owes me an orgasm
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
