This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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