I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
