Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
