Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
