I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
