Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
