just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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