Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
