Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i think my cat just said my name.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
