a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
