sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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