turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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