The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
