I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
