apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
