2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
