The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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