At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
