that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
