she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
