Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Alive.
So much puke
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
