how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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