u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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