We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
