"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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