dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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