I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
