Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
