She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
