I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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