just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
