so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
