Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
