You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
