Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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