He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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