i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
