She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
