I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
