I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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