There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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