Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
