dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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