I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
