dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
