the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
