I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
