My room smells like vodka and shame
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
